48 lb Head

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Posted by Carl D ( on September 21, 1999 at 17:00:16:

Yes, still sick. My head feels three feet thick and heavy as a brick. I am wore out too. Ron, the ER is not an option for me unfortunately. Just got the bill for the last visit : $1780.00 !!! And if I try to get into my General Practitioner - I will have to wait another 2 months to get in - so I just have to treat it like my stinkin CH's and ride it out. I feel so stinkin miserable, I don't want to do anything. I haven't left the house the last couple of days, so I'm kinda feeling isolated. Sinuses are driving me mad! My head is staying ten times more sore than usual, and I'm sure some of you can relate to a level 10 CH on top of sinus pressure,sneezing, and fatigue. My chest has been hurting nonstop for days now too. After getting my meds - I'm pretty much busted (again). I stay poor. I cant even afford to pay attention for too long. I dig for change - but I cant even find myself interesting. Haven't worked in over a year, so money is...well...what is it - I can't remember. If it weren't for the contributions of some on this board, I could not have seen the specialist or gotten my meds, for that I am grateful, extremely. So the benadryl and echinacea are out of reach for me - takes that green stuff. Right now just taking Verapamil,Neurontin,Tylenol,Super B complex, Melatonin and Ambien. Wish I had some good 'ole Vitamin C though, oh yeah - spent the last bit o money I had on nasal spray - sinuses are driving me insane staying clogged up. Still having a hard time breathing too, getting dizzy alot - fell last night, etc.

Thanks for the encouragement guys - I really need it right now. Have been bummed out bad last few days. I feel like a waste of human space. I'm no good to anyone now, mostly. Hoping this doesn't last much longer. I hate CH's. I hate being sick. I hate running fever. I CANNOT STAND them all three together - THAT is the unholy trinity in my book. Guess things could be worse. Oh wait...

I filed for a hearing with an administrative Law judge, but I have no legal representation and the only doc to back me is my general practitioner. My specialist, whom I've seen one time, says SSI is a waste of time. She say's I'll never get it in Illinois. Great. Just what I wanted to hear. Can't hold a job neither, so now what? Man, if only I had taken that Velvet Jones pimp instruction course...
Really tired and such. Forehead is pounding. Mia, wish I had some o dat good 'ole fashioned TLC, but I'm like a dog who is lucky to be struck by a newspaper with an iron pipe in it on occasion. It's funny, but I almost don't care anymore if I am by myself or if someone is there for me - almost. Spent alot of time thinking of my ex last night - should I say wasted alot of time?
Oh well, thats all I have to say about that. Life sucks the life outta me, beats me down - steals my lunch money, kicks me in the limp bizkit, and uh...uh...pisses me off too. Yeah - I've vented, I feel sooo much better (actually, for me to vent right now would require an ak-47, 2 sawed off shotguns, a tek9, 2 Uzis, a glock, 3lbs of C4, and, oh yes, nine people to line me up and ...ready...aim....fire. Just strap the C4 to my head and shoot at it.

DISCLAIMER: the last section in this letter may be offensive to some viewers. Do not try this at home. THe author does not, nor has he at any time owned any of the aforementioned weapons nor does he encourage the ownership of these weapons. This is not an instructional on how to commit suicide or how to assist others in euthanasia ( that would require step 1, step 2, step 3, rinse, repeat).

The birds are shining and the sun is singing - Make it stop!!!!! Carl D

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