Posted by Bill McCuistion (198.64.206.92) on September 29, 1999 at 14:55:14:
In Reply to: Took years to remember. posted by Hal on September 29, 1999 at 14:22:49:
... at least if I forget the pain between attacks I will be more likely to minimize it, forget about it, not deal with it, and do it again.
This time, I want to remember the pain. So that I can do something about it when I can do something about it. If nothing else, stockpile meds.
I agree this is the most horrible thing that can I can imagine. At least with accidental amputation of a major limb its over and done with in a short, unexpected, time. I'm not wanting to offend any amputee CH sufferers, but just how many times can you be amputated? Further, not knowing what is going to happen takes some of the fear away. I have been brutally attacked many hundreds of times by the CH monster. I believe that it attacked me as a child. I remember a time when I found myself beating my head against the bunkbed steel railing. I must have been 6 or 7 years old. Today I am 42 and otherwise have everything going for me. I have good reason to believe that it will come again. It is strong. CH is different. I know what CH attacks are. They are trying to kill me and they hurt really bad, and like the kid in "Alien", I know the "mostly come out at night". If this was something outside of my head I would be waiting with both barrels loaded. Instead, I sit and wait with a double barrel load of Imitrex, hoping that it will not come, or maybe that it will so that I can get the attack over with and go to sleep. This is something the Devil made.
As for me, I live in denial between bouts, and nothing gets done. DJ has done a wonderful thing here. Here we don't forget. And maybe, something good will happen, if I, we, don't forget the pain.