Not a jerk, just frustrated

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Posted by Darrell ( on October 05, 1999 at 17:31:18:

In Reply to: I don't care posted by Scott on October 05, 1999 at 17:00:32:

I would have rather e-mailed this to you personally, Scott, but my system is messed up today.
In reading all of your e-mails I don't think I see malice; I do see exhasperation and frustration. And I can understand.
Someone I care about deeply, while not a cluster
headache sufferer, did and still does suffer from
other forms of chronic pain.
A few years back, I couldn't understand that.
She kept most of her suffering to herself, what
she did express was more lashing out than
communication. When I tried to ask about it, I
was told I could never understand. When I tried
to help, I was told she didn't want to be a
burden. Everything I did or said was wrong. I grew
tired of trying to help or understand, and the
relationship suffered.
For the past three years, however, I have been
going through two cycles of CH per year and am
currently in one my worst ever. I can understand
it if your wife didn't know how much medicine she
took, because last night, in the middle of the
worst, the only thing stopping me from going to
the hospital was that I knew I couldn't drive and
I wasn't sure how to get there (even though the
hospital is only 1.5 miles away and I pass it everyday.
I can also understand the cut and bruise, because
I rubbed my temple until it bled last night and
when that didn't work, I hit my head repeatedly.
Sure, in the light of day, it seems dumb, but in
the middle of the pain, you will try anything to
make it stop.

Getting back to the track I started on, only this
year did I get the nerve to start talking about
my headaches and seek help. To make a long
story less long, the shoe is now on the other
foot and I can, in some way, relate to what my
friend was and still is going through. On some
level pain is pain. Yes, some are worse than
others, and effect different areas than others,
and effect the body and the mind differently. But,
some of the effects are the same: fear, dispair,
a feeling of loneliness and a belief that no one
can accept you, even those closest to you.

Bottom line is that, if you truly love your wife
and you still desire to keep your family together,
you have to work through this. If your wife remains
aloof and keeping to herself, take that time to
learn more about what she is going through. Talk
it out with others who are going through, not just
what she is going through, but what you are going

I hope you can find the help you need to try to
make sense of it all.

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