My chronic experience

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Posted by John Bown ( on October 07, 1999 at 21:03:35:

In Reply to: chronic question posted by Dennis O'C on October 07, 1999 at 18:04:40:

Unmedicated, as I am now, I usually get 6 cluster atttacks a day. (I quit taking my preventative meds for a "clean-out" period because I was getting so depressed I was "S".)

If I do nothing to abort an attack, it will always go to a 10. I don't believe in hyperbole or exaggeration since getting these FUCKING things, so the term "10" is not limiting to me. It means I would "k" myself, but lack the ability to do so when I am in that much pain.

I find nasty words to be the "s" word and the "KMS" term, not the fuck word. When I say I am suicidal, I goddamn well mean it. FUCK THAT. I want to live. Even with 10's, six times a day.

At this point I get my first one at 4:30 p.m. I will have another one at 8 p.m., and will be awakened after every hour of sleep all night long. I fear going back to sleep, sit up a lot, and by 4:30 a.m. I give it up and make coffee. God I love the smell of coffee.

Peace and remission to all,

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