still trying tp find help

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Posted by doug l ( on October 08, 1999 at 16:35:25:

i still have not been able to see a shrink yet. but a suprising source has found a counceler for me and a shrink to see for meds. the local aids task force. i do not have aides but my lover does. they have deemed that i can be taken on because i am a suporter of someone who is living with hiv.
so, the nurces at my doctors office are leary of me. i have now made the final call to get the last two rx that i need. (all of which i used to try to commit suicide.) the only erason i held off on trying to get my lithium and go back on my colizapme was that i did not know what rx the shrink would want to put me on.
im back on my varapimel and have my imatrex and vicoden to abort. (all of which my dr has only given me small amounts of because of what i did. kind of a pain in the ass as i have to call the dr every time i need a refill. but, i understand why he is doing that.)
since i have not been on the lithium i have started to get the normal headache at 2am. im hoping to get rid of that one by being back on my lithium. before all of this i was only getting a very mild ha 2 times a day. but not at nigh.
i do have finaly an apt with the counceler on tuesday. beleave me i need it.
earler i posted to scott that he had the right ot feel mad because of what his wife had suposadly done. well now i take that one back. my lover said the same to me the other day. now i cant find a way to talk to him. as he is a major part of the reason as to whay i did what i did. i was afrade to talk to him before but now...i just cant find a way. now feeling more isolated than ever. im not reconsidering sucide but need some one to talk to.
my hands will not stop shaking and my heart feels like it will pound out of my chest and i dont want to go to work or out. my ha's are getting worse also. i dont know what to do, ive beed calling my dr daily. but hes is too busy to talk most of the time. but he does call me back. thank god i had a good repore with him before i made my stupid mistake. im getting leads fro help but have not gotten it yet. i hope that this man on tuesday will do the trick.
sory i have taken up this valuable space. but i had to. you guys are the only people i have to talk to at the moment and just being able to jot down what i have just written has helped ma already.

doug l

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