Posted by Todd (18.104.22.168) on October 17, 1999 at 14:17:12:
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made
an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.
The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and he opened his briefcase.
"Oh, my god!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
Top 10 Snappy comebacks to " Why aren't you Married yet"
10. You haven't asked yet.
9. What? And spoil my great sex life?
8. Just lucky, I guess.
7. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
6. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
5. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
4. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
3. We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for it.
2. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
1. Why aren't you thin?
One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I am , to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest
of the club members were greatly amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the
pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!'
Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf
waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the
elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it, soak it in, and know as I do, that THIS is the kind of story we should be sending around the world at the speed of light.
Dear Reyer School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old, and live at the county home for the aged. All my family are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks
of me. May God bless you for your kindness to a forgotten old lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but she would never let me listen to it. The other day, her radio fell and broke into lots of pieces. It was awful. Then she realized that I have a radio now and
asked if she could listen to mine.
I said fuck you.
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