Posted by Carl D (220.127.116.11) on October 29, 1999 at 04:26:25:
In Reply to: Glad to see you back and posting Carl !!!! nt posted by doug l on October 28, 1999 at 11:44:35:
Wow. This really IS like my family. When things get too heavy - everyone scatters. One of my brothers could care less, and the other is in the middle of about ten different dillemmas, and of course - both of my parents are gone. I have a handful of friends that have stuck by me, and my best friend Maggie tries to understand what I am going through - as she sees it firsthand. I had an attack at her house again today and crawled off to the basement to moan rock and punch the floor. She flipped out. She knows that the pain is extreme, as twice now I have gotten hit while in her car on the highway or on the road somewhere, and there is nowhere to run or hide.
Two weeks ago this happened and she was almost in tears watching me. She said later how helpless she felt and she has no clue as to what it must feel like. But when she looked into my eyes - she knew it was NOT normal pain.
I thank God for her everyday. She doesn't understand , but has seen my whole world crash down hard. I first met her right after I became homeless in may, and we became friends immediatly. She told me tonight that I am her best friend in the world. After being shunned by the ch "Family" and most of my friends and being dissed by most of my relatives (who can go suck an egg for all I care), I was almost bawling my head off to hear that. Here I feel I have nothing to offer anyone anymore - and she tells me that besides her husband, I'm the closet friend she's ever had. It was a heavy moment. For the first time in sooooooo long, I can finally feel something other than pain - and it feels special.
Thanks again, and by the way - My cousin who is a nurse is trying to set me up with a PRO Neurosurgeon to do a study on clusters. All of my treatment-Tests, meds and appointments will be FREE!!! I will know if she pulled it off either tomorrow or monday. Despite having 3 - 11 H/A attacks a day this week and all of the intense pain that has gone with it, I have been given some hope. Yes - in spite of all of the hell - there is hope.
And if only one person reads it - I will continue to post. AS for everyone else, SEE YOU IN VEGAS!!! . "the FREEK"
"Feeling like a freak on a leash,(You wanna see the light) feeling like I have no release.(So do I) How many times have I felt diseased?(You wanna see the light) Nothing in my life is free.
Sometimes I cannot take this place. Sometimes it's my life I can't take. Sometimes I cannot feel my face. You've never seen me fall from grace."
koRn - Freak on a leash
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