short demon dance

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Posted by Selene ( on November 23, 1999 at 12:54:43:

I've been suffering little daily drivers, just to remind me what pain is, but have been major attack free for a month or so. Been taking daily Verapamil to see if it had an effect; wasn't sure what I was going to report back to the neuro.

Then Sunday afternoon I felt a headache coming on, thought it was just another little dude, but it was the demon's little brother. Big brother came in to roost around 5pm. Took a Diclofenac (neuro's recommendation), no effect. Added a pseudofed (occasionally helped in past), no help. When I realized what was happening, I tried not to cry as that makes it worse. Doc said not to mix anything with the diclofenac, not even take two. Thought about it anyway. Started pacing and trying to prepare myself for the life interruption. Drank as much water as I could hold.

I felt like the tide was coming in. Every hour or so the pain would come back another notch higher. Tried to stick my thumb through my forehead. Lay down with an ice pack on eye/forehead to distract me. At an ebb, finally fell asleep for a few hours, woke up, and felt....only deep shadows. I can sleep with shadows. Went back to sleep and woke up in morning, and lay there, waiting for the demon to wake up, too. But it stayed sleeping, so I went to work.

The anticipation was weird. All day long I kept pausing to reach out a feeler - is there a ha sneaking up on me? but never felt one. Kept drinking water. Kept feeling just the tiniest shadow, like a scab on a wound: annoying but healing.

I hesitate to say that I've found a cure; pain is such an ingrained part of my life, and I don't know what really kicked it. But I've NEVER felt that level of pain, and then had it stop, kaputt, and not come back. Usually an attack ramps up and then back down, little waves of the tide coming in and going back out. So maybe I can't stop the pain once it starts, but maybe I can stop the recurring hits. We'll see, we'll see, the demon is a greedy sucker.

Thanks for being here, it helps just to write and to know I'm not alone nor crazy.


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