Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.223) on December 16, 1999 at 09:08:12:
In Reply to: Chronic to episodic? posted by Bob P on December 16, 1999 at 00:37:55:
I started out, would you even call it episodic? I would get them every now and then starting when I was 17 in September of 1987, and back then it just felt like putting a piece of ice on the eyeball and freezing it (not quite as intense as a full blown cluster). I believe it was either late 89 or early '90 when I began having episodic spells, and each time they went away and came back, they would stay a little longer, until eventually in 1993 I went through the worst I had ever experienced, and it lasted around eight months. Even after that "Cycle' I would still get maybe 1 to 2 a week. Went through a 10 month cycle 94 into 95, and seemed to be ok after starting Verapamil - they were back down to maybe 1 or 2 a week. February 1998 I started having them every other day, and then one or two a day, and then several every day. worked until March and tried doing odd jobs until finally in May '98 I became too wore out with the increased frequency of attacks and also the intensity was overbearing. That brings me to today, 12/16/99. I get them everyday 2 to 12 times a day, along with shadows or what may be called a 1 - 3 on the Kip scale.
My question for everyone is this : when you go out of cycle and begin a new cycle, does the pain intensity increase? Do they seem to be worse, more unbearable than before? Do you feel like the last cycle was more than you could bear, but this one is even worse? The reason I am asking is back in '93 I thought they could never get worse than that, in '94 I attempted suicide they were so bad, and now everyday I feel like sucking on a 12 gauge. Sorry to be so down and graphic but hey - thats how I feel.
So, can anyone answer the question of intensity for me, and if you so wish - let me know if you also feel like walking into traffic and kissing a truck?
FREEK