Lighten up, Ted

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Posted by Todd ( on January 06, 2000 at 18:49:08:

In Reply to: I seriously doubt that we developed posted by Ted on January 06, 2000 at 18:17:11:

I'm all for blaming the consequences of my freely made, informed decisions on those ever-evil, deep pocket corporations who only fuel the outstanding economy of the most prosperous nation on earth as an unintentional by-product of their inate greediness and a nefarious plot to enslave the most highly paid workers of the world into an inhumanely long 40 hour (less lunch and 2 breaks per day) work week with an average of 12 holidays and 3 weeks vacation each year.
Count me in, if I have the time. But first, I'm headed to the nearest fast food drive thru to buy a cup of coffee I can nestle between my thighs until I turn a corner and the centrifigal force causes my legs to close, popping the obviously inadequate top from the inherently unstable styrofoam cup and resulting in serious burns on a most sensitive part of my anatomy due to the inconceivably ignorant decision of some nameless, faceless corporate puke to actually heat the hot coffee.
I figure it should be worth $85 million or so.
Which will, of course, fund the follow-up suit against the Big Three automaker who, when they allowed the design of my 15 year old car to be approved by an obviously inadequate review process, made the decision to produce a vehicle which TOTALLY lacks any cupholders whatsoever. This is totally unconscionable. How could such a large professional corporation fail to anticipate my needs a mere decade and a half in the future?
Then, of course, there is the plastics firm which supplied many of the interior components of my clearly ill-equipped and poorly designed vehicle which completely dropped the ball of corporate responsibility in failing to DEMAND that the automaker purchase an appropriate cupholder (which they had yet to conceive of or design) from them.
We're into the hundreds of millions now, I suspect. And that's before I go after the parents of the engineers and executives who are at the root of this evil for their incredibly poor child-rearing skills which allowed these insensitive cretins to mature and assume positions of responsibility for which they are substantially unprepared.


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