yeah, guess you're right - he just won't admit it....more inside

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Posted by gary ( on January 09, 2000 at 03:17:49:

In Reply to: Hey gary !! Jack has..... posted by drummer on January 08, 2000 at 19:08:12:

you know Jack-
I was teasing w/the post about trying it -
you DID actually say something along the way,
that is EXACTLY what I mean when I talk about distraction techniques

you said it only worked for a second or two
(or something along those lines)

all my mumbo jumbo head trip games WORK
only for a second or two

then I do it again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again

the result being that the unimaginably horrible nightmare of absolutely unbroken, steady state, unspeakable pain is broken up

(and it is the absolutely unbroken periods of level 8 or 9 which what sent me into panics & anxiety attacks, which of course exponentially intensified the attack experience into a literal living hell)

(on my personal 1-10 scale,
10 never happens-
no matter HOW bad things get
because a 10 is defined as one level worse than the worst I've ever had-
no matter how bad the worst one has been-
that makes the rest survivable;
that's a coping idea you either understand instinctively,or not-
can't explain it if you don't)

the result of the distraction gimmicks is the 7s and 8s are broken up into a series of just horrible pain sessions-
which I found I was better able to survive through;
on my scale, a 9 is worst level ever PLUS the panic attack during the CH attack - so far only 2 of those in the last 16 years
THOSE are the bastards they tie you down for

let NOBODY get the idea that I'm claiming I can will, or zen, or doubletalk the pain away

what I speak of is a better way to survive it, with more of me left intact coming out the other side
just developing those techniques was for many years a miracle in itself, after about 16-18 with no clue whatever how to deal with these things

gotta tell you though-
for me, during the last two clusters,

the answer has been oxygen
a total of 9 months of active cluster in the last 2 years,
and haven't had to do the gettysburg address, or count backwards from 1000, out loud at three in the morning, even once

though there have been more than a few forced walks round & round the yard at 1 am,
but that's level 5 stuff
and only before I broke down & went & rented the O2 setup

a piece of cake compared to what we're talking about

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