I think I'm in love

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Posted by Jamy ( on January 22, 2000 at 13:17:21:

In Reply to: Chronic Theories posted by Jack on January 22, 2000 at 11:03:57:

I just love the self-loathing type. It is one of my specialities. When I asked my neuro why am I chronic, he said "Just lucky I guess" Guess is not one of my favorite words. I recently took a ride through a new mri machine. It's supposed to photograph in detail. Again, nothing that's not supposed to be there. I do find myself sometimes wishing for a benign something. Then at least one has the right to say "AHA" I told you so, see, I wasn't faking anything. The ritalin is doing an ok job of masking, but, and this is only my thoughts, it feels as though I am in the same state of mind as last year when the headaches were unstoppable and constant. I am lethargic, ennui has set in and I find it hard to do almost anything. This is, however, not my norm and I am fighting it with sheer brute force will power. I really feel like doing a Camille. I hate depression. It runs rampant in my family. I fight it with volunteer work. I was also dismayed to find that during these bouts my memory seems to slip, but if I fill my days with a full agenda I seem to do better. I remember when I was in my twenties, the media kept up a barrage of information about how all the drugs us youngins were doing killed brain cells. I can't imagine that my brain cells are let off scott free from these attacks more so than my past indulgences. It is 10am and already I feel like crawling into bed, but the supermarket calls and the coupons can't wait. I thank you all for listening to these my sorry rantings.

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