The Hearing

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Posted by Carl D ( on January 25, 2000 at 12:17:37:

Guys (and Gals,)

I can't believe how many E-mails I got in response to Todd and Jonny's post for testimonial support. I want you all to know that I printed them all out and my attorney read everyone of them. Unfortunately he did not feel they were a good submission - since none of you have actually witnessed me during an attack, and don't know me personally. I kinda cringed - but he has tried cases all over.

I think I read him wrong yesterday. I did not think he took me seriously, and maybe thought I exaggerated a bit, but after today - I don't think so. I think he gave me a fair shot. I did get to submit the BBC article on Dr Goadsby's findings and studies - and a very important testimonial letter from a friend of 15 years, and who has been a minister for the last two. He has witnessed the attacks firsthand, and has actually sat with me- riding them out. He has witnessed me having to bail from situations due to attacks - and has been one of the few people I have counseled with in regards to the effects this whole mess has had on me. That letter made it to the judge.

My attorney says he believes it went well - But I probably won't know for a month or two. I have to obatin my medical records from the MHNI (Michigan Head-Pain and Neurological Institute) from my visits with them (and for some reason, I have been trying to get them for a couple of years now - and they won't send them to me or my docs....THEY"RE MY RECORDS!!!) I also need to get a record from my suicide attempt in 1994.
Working on that as we speak.

Until I hear something, I have no meds (basically feel like I have no doc, as she is a...ahem...I'll hold my tongue) and so I have to just try and maintain my sanity for the next few weeks and deal with the pain, the trauma - and the exhaustion. I have survived this long - - Just have to keep holding on. It seems impossible, but I have to do it.

Also, I need to apologize for my post yesterday. I was upset, not in a good frame of mind - and basically felt like it was all over with. Sometimes I acn sink into such a black hole of depression, I never want to see the light of day again. After today - - I feel like there may still be hope. If I am approved for my SSI, I can begin my search for a new doc (which, I've already started) and hopefully begin receiving REAL medical treatment and maybe even get my life back on track.

From here on out, I have to just ride out each attack with the thought "Help is on the way." Not giving up hope, doing my best to fight off the thoughts of despair.

It would take me too long to respond to each email I have received individually, so let me say collectively

" T H A N K Y O U A L L !"

Carl D

P.S. - Drummer - - - dude, above and beyond!!!

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