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Posted by Carl D ( on January 31, 2000 at 08:45:42:

I just got done playing a little game I like to call "Catch-up," Where your body is so exhausted it MAKES you sleep for a while: fall asleep, wake up an hour later with a 10+, ride it out then pass back out, wake up an hour and a half later with another ten, ride it out, pass back out, wake up two hours later, etc.) I think I totalled about six or seven hours, but I am still tired and my head is 'achy'. Last 3 hours I slept through, but anymore when I do sleep and dream - man, I have some freaking nightmares and a half!!!
The dream I had for a bit this morning I am sure related to my fears of Ercaf: I was crawling through the underboards of a house next to my aunts, and when I came out my arms were blistering and bubbling black. My aunt took one look at them and said "Yep, thats ganegreen." and I started freaking and trying to get my brother dave (whom I've not seen in real life since August) to take me to the hospital, but he was too busy playing video games. I remember going off in the dream, scared I would lose my hands and kept screaming "how'll I play guitar? Somebody help me." Man, I hate dreams like that, but anymore if I do dream, I'm either having a real twisted one, or dreaming I am in an attack (at which point I usually wake up in a real attack.)

I feel like who fell asleep and dreamed for eight hours that he was an insomniac who never got any sleep and when he woke up he was exhausted.

So now, I had some sleep, the whole front of my head aches, I am shadowing, my teeth hurt, my eyes are burning, and I am once again out of everything (not even Acetominaphin, aspirin, caffiene or nicotine.) Wish I had a nicotine patch I could roll up and smoke, but they are a chore to light. Wish I could go back to sleep without getting hit again, but I am 'up' in zombie mode now.

Nowadays, if you ask me a question, I cannot think straight and have a hard time answering. I keep going back to my court hearing and thinking "man, I should've said this or that" and, basically in a nutshell "what was I thinking." The sad part of that day was I had no sleep the night before and a forced four hours the night before that, so I definitely was not thinking clearly. Oh well, what can you do when you are a torture-monkey? I had maybe six hours yesterday/last night, and I am not think clearly right now either. I think I may have washed my thinking cap in Woolite.

Not to mention I have a slight headcold (again) and just feel all around miserable. Oh happy day - I feel like sticking my head in a blender.
I hope my SSI goes through, and if it does, I hope it goes through soon so I can get to a REAL doctor and get some REAL medicine and maybe, just maybe, be able to get some REAL rest (at which time my body would freak, go into shock, and die from too much sleep.)
Theres that 'ole positive thinkin' for ya.


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