Posted by karen (205.188.198.152) on February 05, 2000 at 20:43:41:
During normal activity, I feel a shooting stabbing pain in my right temple. My body knows it is the first shadow in a cluster cycle. My mind says, NO! no way , not again. Ain't gonna happen this time. a couple days later, it happens again, I start to feel wierd, more tired than usual, a little tense, uneasy
a week later as I lay in peaceful slumber, I become conscious of a sick feeling overtaking my body, I feel it spread through my stomach as my neck and shoulder tighten in extreme discomfort. I overheat, complete
boiling feeling as the pain starts twisting and knocking in my head. all at once it is in my jaw and my teeth and I feel the eye swelling. I cant breathe out of right nostril, and I hear a cracking coming from my face, somewhere. Within minutes I am lost to the pain that is screaming and raging in my head. I am disoriented, I am hyped up, I am anxious. any light in the room is pulsating in my eye and I wish i were blind
There is not a moment to breathe in between the obnoxious overwhelming hot, red blinding angry Pain that is telling my whole body, something is wrong ,something is wrong. I pace, I can not sit, I am like a crazy person, scrounging for drugs that I cant even choke down, my body is too wild.I try to quiet myself and in minutes i am up again, pounding the floor with my fists, muttering, howling, losing consciousness for a few brief seconds, drifting and then slamming back again. I ride this monster for 3-4 hours without a seconds grace or peace. I pray for this fight to be over, for God to just come take me
before I do it myself.
as i lay drained exhausted and shell-shocked, i know its a matter of hours or days before it comes back to get me and finish me off