The truth on Elaine lies

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Posted by Riccardo ( on February 10, 2000 at 06:17:07:

The truth on the terrible lies of Elaine about her Hospital staying.
We have found this diary in the Florida Badlands

….diary start
Confessions of a poor nurse….
I started work in this Hospital 2 months ago. I never expected they assign me that woman. A tiny, brown haired, sweet woman, from this point I will call her with a fantasy name…. Elaine.
When Elaine returns from the surgery, she seemed me a sweet woman.
She start awakening and immediately shout :
- this catheter is short, I want a long one
- Why is short Madam?
- I cannot go around, in the hall and outer
- Madam, you have been operated 2 hours ago!
- Sure, 2 hours, now is time to smoke a cigarette and walk!
- Smoke? Smoke!?! No Madam You can’t
- I can’t because the catheter is short!
- No Madam, you can’t smoke here, now!
- It’s my point of view, I can’t smoke here, give me a long catheter and a walker
- A walker? You still can’t walk now!
- And if I don’t walk, how the heck could I smoke?
- But you cannot smoke!
- Yes, I can’t, the catheter is short!
After 1 hour of this dialogue, my work time was over (thanks God), and I exit the hospital with a terrible facial tic and a gurgle in my stomach that say CH…CH….CH….
Night! Time to return to Hospital. I enter the Elaine room, I noticed she (with the eyes closed) mumble something like: where is my computer, I want it now immediately, the internet connection via catheter is too slow,,,,,,,, and quietly ask her:
- Are you sleeping Madam?
Some saliva rises from her mouth and this scared me completely
- Are you sleeping Madam?
She open the eyes and shout
- Yes I WAS sleeping
- Oh! All right now?
- Right? My catheter is always short, I cannot walk, I cannot smoke, the food is bad…….
Oh my God, once again! I exit the room, control that no doctors near, hang a walker, put near her and cry:
- Lazarus, wake up and walk!
- The catheter is SHORT!!!
- Aaargh, this is not a catheter, is a thread of your vest!
- Ok let’s go
- Let’s go?!?
- A little walk…. Where are my cigars?
- Oh no, no, no
And I exit the room, cannot resist moreover. I see her exit the room with a cloud of smoke around her head, pushing on her walker.
When I return in the hall I see her hurting the head of a poor old woman with a bottle
- these are my cigars, not yours, go away!
Then she pick up the walker and throw on the poor old woman, and return towards the room.
- where is your walker - I asked her, waiting for some explanations….
- that woman stole it!
- You lies! I seen you throw the walker on her head!
- Yes, but after, that woman has hold it firmly, I cannot pick it again!
- Ok Madam, go to bed now!
- Oh yes, I have a lot to do on my word processor
- No, I meant to sleep, Madam
- Sleep?! Sleep? I never sleep, if not at home
- Anyway go to bed now…..eeer give me the cigar please
- Oh yes, only 2 minutes ok, then I will have another walk..
- Yes Madam…..
She return to bed and, in few seconds, try to snore hard, with the mouth open. Oh no again, that gurgle CH…. CH…. CH…..CH..

Dear Hospital, I’m about to leave you, this City, this State. I will start a new job, hunting crocodiles with the hands…….Is not well paid, but surely more quiet than this job. Thanks for all, and let me know when Elaine return home
……diary end

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