Comprehending Engineers

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Posted by Todd ( on February 11, 2000 at 10:10:33:

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take
what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work
but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who
had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your
problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features, yet."
----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife, or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the lab and get some work done."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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