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Posted by Monique ( on February 11, 2000 at 20:55:47:

In Reply to: need help posted by wendy on February 11, 2000 at 15:37:42:

Dear Wendy
Speaking as a wife of a fellow sufferer I can relate and cry for you. I too cried my eyes out when I found this page, acturally we both (Greg and I) cried as we read the messages on the homepage.
Greg has had CH's for 20 years. From this side it's hell so thier side must be just as awful as it can get. I know from years of experience that the worst thing to try to do is hold him. They need to rock and walk and thanks to this site I now understand that they need to squeeze thier head and sometimes bang them. I have learned to never ask questions nor talk during an attack. I lead and direct but never ask questions. We talked together about this all when he was not in one and I told him that I would do what ever I had to help him, I knew that talking was too much for him so he had to help by telling me to stop doing something, or continue, or just put my hands where they were needed. (massage on his trigger spots in his back can help alot sometimes) We have now got (thanks to this site) a headache (ache doesn't cover it) band from the drug store. It is made of material about maybe 24" long and 4" wide with a velcro closure. It has a pocket on the inside for a gel pack that you can freeze or heat up. (Greg finds heat aggrevates it, others find the heat soothing.) We wrap the thing as tight as possbible around his forehead with the ice kind of over his right eye where the pain is centered. He then sits on the couch or kneels infront of me on the floor as I sit on the couch. He will rest his head and upper body on my lap and I massage the spots (they are very tender and initially make the pain worse but eventually ease it, most times) When he needs to get up I let him. When he needs to rock or walk I just wait, he comes back when he needs me. I keep the cold packs comming and alternate hot and cold packs on his feet.
Margi, one of the other wives on the board shared alot of things with me, she has been a really big help and a really big shoulder for me, she also told me that Mike her husband uses 3 gravol pills before bed and this seems to help him sleep through the night. (as your aware I'm sure, the nights are the worst, and trying to sleep is a nightmare in it's self) Greg tried the gravol the other night and slept about 14 hours straight! It was a God send, recharging our batteries a bit for the next go. Most things work for a while and then don't. Though Greg didn't sleep last night again, the headaches where many but very short in duration, the intensity was bad but short is good....we'll take short.
My best advice to you would be to sit down with him when he is not in one and talk. Let him read some of this stuff posted and on the home page so he knows that the people sending the advice really do know what it's all about. The love and acceptance, as well as understanding you will find here is just about the most amazing thing on earth! I have only just come on board, last week sometime, and I know it has been just wonderful having somewhere to turn to.
Well, as you will see I tend to babble. If you want to talk anytime please email. I know your pain, and if you have kids, I can help you to deal with them too. We have three 14, 15 and 17. They have never known anything different than thier Dad with this pain.
There is nothing (almost besides thier pain) worse than watching helplessly as the one you love wheeps in agony on the floor and you have to stand helplessly by watching. We know. We care. We are here for you and your husband!
Hope some of this helps, and welcome, you are loved, understood, and much respected here!
Love Monique

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