Nancy's Saturday Funnies.

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Posted by Bob Kipple ( on February 26, 2000 at 01:50:43:

Nancy is out of town this weekend and aske me to post her funnies today.


To: All Florida School Districts

From: Florida Department of Education

Re: Revision of House Bill 110 - Mandated student testing

Reacting to public pressure, the State of Florida has
redesigned and released a new comprehensive test to
be given to all students based on the requirements of
SB1956. All students will have to pass the test to be
promoted at each grade level.

The test will be called the Florida Arithmetic and
Reading Test (FART).

All students who cannot pass a FART in second grade
will be re-tested in grades three, four, and five. All
Florida Students must achieve a passing
FART score of 80%.

If a student cannot successfully FART by grade four,
he/she will be placed in a separate program, the
Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language
(SMELL). If, after taking the SMELL program,
the student cannot pass the required FART, he can
promote to middle school by taking a semester course in
Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL,
or CRAP, he/she will earn promotion by proficiency
in a one-week seminar, Preparatory Reading for
Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students (PRUNES).

It is the opinion of DOE that an intensive week of PRUNES
will enable any student to FART, SMELL,and CRAP.

This revision of the testing program should help clear the air.

This old fellow in his eighties got up and was putting on his
His wife said "Where are you going ?"
He said "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said "Why, are you sick?"
"No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater
and he said "Where are you going?"
She said "I'm going to the doctor too".
He said "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing
again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot".

joke # 3
Thu, 24 Feb 2000 10:15:50 -0600
"Nancy and Rich Lakey"


A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take some of his inmates to a
baseball game. For weeks in advance he coached his patients about their
behavior, and told them to respond immediately to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As
the National Anthem started the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts." All the patients
stood up. Afterwards the doctor yelled, "Down Nuts," and they sat down.

After a homerun he yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke into applause and

Thinking things were going well and under control, the doctor decided to
get a beer and a hotdog. He left his assistant in charge. When he returned
there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what had

The assistant replied, "Well-----everything was fine until some guy
walked down the steps and yelled, 'Peanuts!'"

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