Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.225) on February 28, 2000 at 14:43:23:
Well, as usual I am getting slammed left and right, and my freakin head is sooooo sore - it's pathetic.
Just doing what I can to deal with it - stopping just short of breaking my hand on the stinkin floor. Wish I could wake up from this nightmare and find out that the last two years were a very long dream that was the result of maybe drinking too much and watching bad sitcoms - but alas, I know it to be untrue.
I wish I had either something to deal with the pain or something to abort the beast, but at the moment I am out of everything once more. I called the docs office and they basically just blew me off again. I need a real doc, but won't find that unless I get my disability and can get a medical card.
So, in my neverending frustration of being consistently alone and getting racked up with excruciating fits of pain, I have completed chapter one of "SNAPPED" and have begun with chapter two. Lets just say Wyatt hasn't had a real cluster yet - just the intro kind of the way they started with me: a pain in the eye that feels like an ice cube melted on it and froze the eyeball.
Now, when I get hit, it feels like someone has stuck about twenty needles in my eyeball, rammed a spike into my temple and keeps twisting it, stuck a sewing needle in the back of my head, and is trying to pry my forehead apart by the browbone with a crowbar hooked right above the eye. Oh yeah, and it feels like someone has stuck a firecracker in my ear and lit it too.
Right now I am shadowing pretty hard and just bumming on it. Nice to be able to come here and vent again, instead of just waiting for everyone to leave the house and scream my brains out until my voice is gone.
If the day goes on like this, I may consider sticking an ice cube on my eye, ramming a spike into my temple, and prying my browbone off with a crowbar - just to see if my description is accurate enough with the level of pain from a 10+. Actually, that may feel better than a cluster.
I wish I could either go out of cycle, go into remission, or go out of cycle. I'm not picky - I'll take any one of those three choices.
Peace,
Carl D