Posted by Carl D (18.104.22.168) on March 19, 2000 at 13:03:34:
And how much to have them rubbed out?
Seriously. The last few days have been absolutely insane. Here I thought I had been reaching a ten+ before, but this is ridiculous!!! I passed out TWICE this week during an attack (for approx. 10 to 30 seconds.) and some other bad stuff too (won't go into disgusting detail). It seems the beast has been rejoicing in my sufferings as of late. I am getting hit more through the day (and night), with greater intensity than I ever thought could exist. How am I handling it?
Not very well, thank you very much.
Feel like I am about to go out of my freaking mind. Ready for this to end, one way or another. If I cannot find a doctor who will help me, I will go mad - oh yes, I will go mad!
The only bright spot in this hellish week was Friday night. I went to see my old bass players new band and they had open mic afterwards. I went with the guitarist from my old band, Crush Velvet Earth. We were gonna do a couple of songs (head permitting), which I thought would be an acoustic duo type thing. Well, my old bass players new band is what they call EMO (Emotional punk.) Ok, scratch the acoustic thing. At the last minute, I grabbed my old bass player, asked him to get up with us, and gave the drummer a quick run-down of how the songs went (he had never played them before, but had seen us when CVE was still a band, so was familiar with my stuff.) Well, we got up and, though I felt like I had needles around the perimeter of my eye, belted out three of my harder tunes (Sabbath meets Black Flag meets adrenaline!) Though I paid dearly for it by the end of the night - we pulled it off!!! The audience went nuts! The guy who put on the show asked us back next month. The funny thing is, the bass player, rythm guitarist and I have not jammed together in that fashion for quite a long time. That was just thrown together. So now, the guitarist and I are contemplating trying to put the band back together with a new bassist and drummer. The only thing is - I am afraid we will set this thing up, get all pumped, and then right before a show I have to bail so I can go get my brains tortured out.
How much longer will I have to put my life on hold? I'm telling you, I'm not bragging, but I do know that if it was not for CH, I would have made it in music by now. Why am I so confident of that? Because, I have stayed modern with the change in music, My songwriting has evolved greatly, and my target audience is the people who actually spend money on music and merchandise: The Kids!!! And you know what? There isn't a show I've done where they haven't gone nuts for us. I'm not bragging (ok, maybe a little) But I know that is what I was born to do. Get on a stage and whip a crowd into a roaring frenzy so that, by the time they leave, they are too tired to fight or get into trouble. And if we did it right, they already feel like they were in a fight, due to the raging moshpit.
Oh yeah, I also go by the stage ethic: whatever energy you give off, the audience will pick up on it and they will give off an energy that the band will feed off of and that energy increases into what is known as a feeding frenzy. People get bored with a bunch of guys standing there ho hum playing instruments....they want a show. They want to see some animation. They want you to go wild. If you do, they go wild.Unfortunately due to my head, I had to be quite restrained Friday than what I am used to. If I would have been pain-free - I would have went nutso!!!
Okay, I'll stop boring you with this.
Since midnight, I have already been hit six times; and the clock just hit noon. Shadows? They never stop. I just wish it would STOP!!!
I would especially like some sleep, with whipped cream and cherries on top.
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