Posted by drummer (209.105.155.54) on March 31, 2000 at 07:05:57:
Like most human beings; I began Life as an infant. I began my Life the day before "April Fool's Day". My mom says that she didn’t want her son to be born on "April Fool's Day". Mom says that being born on "April Fool's Day" would have been 'traumatic' for her son. Mom says she had to push to get me out before "April Fool's Day".
Mom says that my first appearance into this Planet was rather traumatic. Mom says that the doctor who delivered me into this Planet used Forceps to pull me from the warm and watery womb that I had called 'home' for 9 months. Mom says that the doctor placed the Forceps around my head to pull me from this warm and watery womb. Mom says that I screamed a lot during this whole "Forceps-delivery" procedure. Mom says that she screamed a bit too. Mom says that Forceps are kind of like Salad Tongs that most human beings use to serve tossed salad to other human beings. Mom believes that I have chronic Cluster Headaches because of these Salad Tongs that the doctor placed around my head. I used to believe everything that my mom told me, but I'm not so sure anymore.
I do believe that I was pushed and pulled into this Planet though.
Mom told me that there was a Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, a Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns and Angels when I was a little kid. I believed in these things when I was a little kid. I'm not so sure about these things anymore. I'm no longer a little kid. I'm not a Mom either. I do have little kids though. I tell my little kids that there is a Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, a Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns and Angels. They seem to like it when I tell them about these things. My little kids believe in these things.
My little kids weren't pulled from their warm and watery womb with Salad Tongs like I was. Of course, they weren’t born on "April Fool's Day" either. I'm hoping that Salad Tongs and "April Fool's Day" has absolutely nothing to do with anything in terms of Cluster Headaches. I just hope that my little kids don’t get Cluster Headaches.
I watched my daughters get pushed and pulled into this Planet. I'm nostalgic and sentimental. I remember when my daughters were one and a half minutes old. I remember when I severed the Umbilical chord that attached them to my wife. I remember when the Placenta plopped out too. I remember how the doctor caught the "plopped-Placenta" in a great big Stainless Steal Salad bowl. The doctor handed the great big Stainless Steel Salad bowl to me and said, "here". I told him that I was born with Salad Tongs.
I believe it was the comedian, Robin Williams, who said this about little boys being born. He said, "little boys spend 9 months coming out of the womb and then spend the rest of their lives trying to get right back in again."
I'm trying to keep my daughters away from little boys. It's not easy. They like little boys. I'm glad that my daughters like little boys. I just wish that little boys weren't spending the rest of their lives, 'trying to get right back in again'.
Oh yeah, two more things. I'm going to have my mom over for dinner tonight. I'm going to serve her and my family tossed salad. The other thing is this:
I fear that I may have been born a day early.