Re: On the outside looking in


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Posted by gary g on December 15, 1998 at 01:48:11:

In Reply to: On the outside looking in posted by Vergie on December 14, 1998 at 23:06:18:

apology in advance for terseness - it's late & cold in computer room -

1. GOOD for you, trying to learn & understand, he's very lucky

1a. understand this is MAJOR trauma & stress - there will be times he can't "be himself" or be nice no matter what, just stay out of the way & let the storms pass - my wife has been at this with me for the last 15 of my 27 years of CH and she still get's "caught" sometime by trying to interact with me when I'm out there in CH land - and my response can be quite unpleasant, which upsets her because she didn't see it coming, and we've had an unpleasantnes that is soley the fault of the CH, neither of us deserved it - but understand we have NO control over how our responses if we're in an attack - NOT a psychological lack of control, simply the effect of a pain that is beyond all explanation ---- it would be much like trying to happily discuss the details of a fishing trip with a woman in late stage labor with no drugs!!!!!!

2. this can be horrifying to watch - help when & how he asks, if you can, but only if you want to - never because you "ought to"- otherwise stay out of the way, ESPECIALLY if you have trouble dealing with the what you see in a bad attack, which leads to:

3. don't be a martyr - there is a lot of guilt and defeatism we have to deal with in connection w/the disruption of our lives & the lives of our families - try to get on with your own stuff while he's handling his CH - and if you feel it, reassure him that it will all work out OK, but do so during a time when he's rested & feeling better

4. be encouraged - most of us have long periods with NO headaches, and it's almost bizarre how everybody seems to completely forget about them in between - a real blessing

and people like you who try to understand and help are one of the biggest blessings - good for you !!!!!!!





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