Posted by Carl D (220.127.116.11) on April 11, 2000 at 08:30:41:
I see that nothing new has happened in my absence on the board. A bit of the same 'ole same 'ole "This board doesn't fit MY needs type of stuff. I can kind of understand where Gary G and Graham are coming from, but hey, were clusterheads - not scientists. It's not like we leave our labs everyday to post our findings later that night. It's like Bob P said, it's all been said before - just look in the archives. Did anyone notice the cool button to the top right that says 'SEARCH'? That button rules!!! I bet if you type in the word IMITREX, it will probably give you 2'000 examples of where it has been posted. I have done research on my own, and posted my findings. I have brainstormed and even been a ginuea pig for 'out-of-the-box' treatments. After someone had 'gifted' me with some funds awhile back, I got meds and, hung out at GNC (General Nutrition Center) for a whole week, asking the clerk questions on different herbal treatments, trying to possibly find a herbal cocktail that might either keep the CH's at bay or at least tolerable. (BTW, a herbal book at the counter of GNC recommended Ginko Biloba and L-Tyrosine for treatment of CH. I have not been able to afford the L-Tyrosine for now, but if and when I get some and try it, You can bet I will post any of my findings here.) The thing is, we have all contributed to the technical aspect of info on this board. So now what? Since there is nothing new to say do we keep parroting the same things over and over, do we just go away; or do we find solace with our fellow sufferers on this site - becoming friends, brothers, sisters - bonded by something so strong no one else can understand - except us?
Some days I am very tired. Some days I feel like just offing myself and saying good riddance to the whole mess. Then I see a post from Drummer, or Jack , or someone who lifts my spirit a little - with some twisted humorous post I didn't expect. I laugh. I feel a little better. My head will still hurt and ache. My life is still in pieces. Sure, some of these posts are worthless to you - but I cherish them. I will never forget Drummers dream of having a CH attack at his work, and later, when a woman offers her empty sympathy he tells her to F#@k off. How about Drummers dream of the football stadium/clusterhead meeting? These are goofy and have nothing to do with the cause or cure of CH. They do have a medicinal value: They make me smile. When I have felt the worst and reached the lowest point of my dreadful life, someone here picks me up - whether it is Margi and Elaine in the chatroom, or just being able to call Drummer and say "Dude, I can't handle it - talk to me!"Or Bob P. Or Phil C (Who has helped me so much). Or Jonny, sending me the CH.com bumper stickers.
You know what? My guitar is my life. For years growing up I played crappy pawnshop-reject guitars. Played them for 13 years. Wasn't until I turned 23 that I bought my "Jackson - Stealth" and had it customized that I had a really awesome guitar. I vowed the day I got it that if worse came to worse - I would walk the streets homeless, eating out of garbage cans, but I would still have my Jackson. Well, A year ago I was homeless. I have sold most of my possessions. My car is officially dead. I still have my Jackson. I will have that guitar probably until I die. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't put any stickers on this guitar, absolutely not, no sir. This guitar means too much to me than to put some sticky stuff on it. It is beautiful: Metal flake black with an EMG humbucker in the bridge and two single coil EMGs in the center and front positions; dot inlays on an ebony 22 fret fingerboard; and a Floyd Rose double locking tremolo. Now at the top of the body, just above the pickups going across the guitar is a trimmed sign. It says "CLUSTERHEADACHES.COM". I am proud of that. Any time I play in front of someone, they will see that sign. If I get to play out anymore - the audience will see it. My friends will see it. When my website is built, the world will see it.
I could sit and ramble for hours about what this site and the people on it mean to me - but that would mean nothing to you. If you would just lighten up and give some of these people a chance. I understand they aren't tekkies who swap CH treatment possibilities everyday, but does everything you do revolve around this? Do you ever watch T.V.? Is it always a program on CH? Do you ever read the newspaper? Do you get pissed off when it says nothing about CH? Lighten up a little and let people live. Let us come here and vent, or have a good time, or find out the due date of Jack and Riccardo's lovechild.
As for useful info, I have found that during an attack, if I sit on the floor and extend my body forward, like I am trying to touch my nose to the floor and take big gulps of air, I find it alleviates the pain a little. If I do this when I first feel an attack coming on - I may be able to keep it from coming on. Do you know where I got this bit of useful information? On the CHMB, in fact just two or three weeks ago.
We haven't lost our focus. We are just trying to encourage each other and make someone else feel a bit better. Maybe someone is going through pure hell and, after reading some of crack-ups on here, feels a little better. I am glad I have met some of the people on this board. I appreciate them for who they are. I love Riccardos posts. He struggles with english and yet, says more than most of us. I, of all people, read every post I can to see what others are dealing with in thier normal day to day life, how CH is affecting thier life and, how they are coping.
I know I am a bit long winded, but I just can't say enough about this board or the support group on it. They have made a world of difference in my life. I am sure they have made a difference in alot of others. Where I come from I was taught that,"If you do something to reach the masses, and only one person is touched or changed by it - then it was all worth it for that one person." I am sure this site has had it's redemptive qualities for more people than any of us know.
But who am I to judge?
P.S. - 2 attacks since midnight, both 10's. No real sleep for two days. In a zombiefied state most of the time. Just sit on the floor, kinda doze a little sitting up, fall over - hit my head, throw object my head landed on. Eating Vicoprofen like M&M's and drinking water like a fish. Haven't touched book or guitar in three days. Going for a counseling session today at 1:00pm for depression and urge to shave wrists. Will attempt sleep again at some point today - will probably get 'attacked' for trying.
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