Posted by Elaine (24.88.1.116) on April 14, 2000 at 00:23:36:
Hi guys!
I posted that I was leaving the board. I received a lot of email and some real nice post asking me to stay. I thank You all from the bottom of my heart each letter was special. I feel like I did make a difference to some. That’s all I ever wanted to do was make a difference. I got one letter tho that was a eye opener for me. I don’t make email public but this one I am going too.
Dear Elaine
I'm sure I am the very last person you want e-mail from.
But I wanted to apologise for my tantrums on the board, they were silly and
although I felt justified at the time I see now the whole thing got
completely out of proportion and I didn't have the gumption to back down.
I didn't explain myself well which didn't help I admit and I still don't
understand some of the joking and teasing that goes on. But I checked
the board out today for the first time since I left and was shocked to see
you saying you were leaving. Now I don't flatter myself it's becuase of me.
But if I've contributed in any way then I'm very sincerely sorry.
I know that I'm sincerely hated there so I won;t be posting. Not only that
but I don't think CPH is really relevant to a CH. board. But I just wanted
you to know how truly sorry I am and hope you won't leave as it seems to me
that a lot of people deeply care about you. And for you as a person, not as
someone who can do stuff for them. But I'm sure you knew that already.
I'll understand if you still hate me and don't want to respond, but I just
wanted you to know how sorry I am.
I hope you'll also understand what I mean when I say I've killed Trouble.
Tracy
Tracy please do not be mad at me for posting your letter but I want people to know you as I do. This lady care enough to write me and say she was sorry for me leaving the board. Now to me that makes her a better person than me. I should have wrote her and told her I was sorry that I was so blind that I did not respect her opinion. Really what did she do so wrong tried to take up for old Hub not realizing it was a joke. She posted under a fake name. Ok I have done that also. I was ghost, and Ralphyboy, Oh boy did Ralph cause a stink. Why did I post as someone else. Fear, of being jumped for my opinion. A lot of us have used fake names. Why? Fear of being jumped for a opinion. Yes we all fear rejection. I am so ashamed of rejecting some people.
I would like to tell you that to me CPH and CH go together that they are related. I would be happy to have Tracy and Christian as my supporters too. I am sorry for any harm I caused you two .
I was not leaving because of anything you did Tracy. I stepped out of line big time and told a fellow suffer to go walk in a lighting storm it was so un called for. Its time for me to step back and study myself and I did and I did not like myself to much. Dennis bless his heart instead of attacking me as I did him he wrote me and is going to help me find some help for Carl. I have so many letters offering to help me with anything. You are all wonderful.
I have to tell you all I am a basket case at times lately. My son moved out last week and Heather is in the process of moving out looks like those two are getting married. They have both moved in with the one they love. My other daughter is moving into her own place. Its hard on a mom when their babys grow up and move out. Its extra hard when they all move out at once. I am on a emotional roller coaster right now. My body and mind has been through hell and back this year. This is no excuse for my behavior but its what’s happening to me right now. I would not have made it this far had it not been for all of you. I am going to try to reframe from posting until this roller coaster ride comes to a halt. I will read the board every day there is no way I could not.
Friends instead of answering my post to night please welcome Tracy and Christian to our board. That would make me very happy. See you all soon
Your cluster friend
Elaine