In my bedroom closet...

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Posted by Paco ( on April 29, 2000 at 09:41:50:

In Reply to: A Day Ordained From Hell posted by Carl D on April 28, 2000 at 23:23:41: a snub-nosed .38 special, loaded with five rounds. I have never fired it. In my wife's purse is a Braun semi-automatic pistol. She has fired it--thankfully not at me--when I taught her how to use it. I have had CH for 21 years and sometimes I thought that letting a little air into my brain might be the only remedy. I once actually had a laughing fit in the middle of a really severe attack when I thought about attempting to get off two shots. I didn't think about drilling my head with a hollow point--or two--because I was depressed. I know that CH can depress you and everyone around you. I know that people do off themselves because of depression. I thought about aerating my bone head so that the pain would stop. I have butted the hallway walls hard enough to wake my sleeping wife in the middle of the night, hoping she would find her palm-sized pistol and help me out, so to speak. Over the years, even though they are severe enough at times to make me cry, the attacks have become less severe and less frequent. I have learned to manage the pain enough that I don't butt the walls anymore. I also took the bullets out of my wife's pistol. What I concentrate on now in my dessert years is getting the maximum amount of pleasure from life during the pain-free times. Things like watching my artistic genius granddaughter paint a rainbow with her water-colors. Those are the times worth living for.

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