I Am Not A......

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Posted by Carl D ( on May 05, 2000 at 10:33:45:

Well, my break from the pain-meds lasted a whole day. Once my head started aching from the shadows, and then a ten times 10 set in, I reached for the bottle of Vicoprofen.
I'm not a dick, Ted.
I mean I'm not addicted.

I just can't freekin stand pain! I admit it, I'm a wuss! I would rather puke for days than stub my toe. I would rather be bald than have clusters (wait, I AM BALD and I HAVE CLUSTERS!!!) In a few days though, I will be out and am forcing myself to go without for awhile - so as to not become a dick, Ted - I mean addicted.

I wish I had enough money to play the big game. I already know what the winning numbers are. I would post them here, but then everyone would win and leave me hanging. I would give them to a friend, but they would only agree to split it with me until they got the big check; then they would hire body guards to keep me away. How do I know the winning numbers? It came to me in a dream...A woman with an irish rose came down the lane with a small bag at her side. She began pulling objects out of the bag and throwing them into the air. As they flew up high, I realized they were numbers. When I looked up again, a rainbow had formed: at one end was a pot o' gold, and at the other end was the numbers. They began to dance in a happy fashion while singing "Today is your lucky day! We will grant the wish you made! All you have to do is play! We are the numbers for Fridays game!" At that moment, the woman smiled at me and told me to buy two tickets: one with the numbers in the air, and one with my families birthdays. She told me if I do this, I would be the sole winner of $255'000'000! All of my troubles would be over!

When I awoke, I looked in my wallet and realized I didn't have enough money to buy two tickets - let alone one!
When I fall back to sleep, I will visit a gunstore in dreamland, buy a sawed-off shotgun, and go looking for the woman with an Irish rose and a magic bag at her side!

Really, I would like to share these numbers with someone, but there is no one I can trust. I'm not a dick, Ted.

Carl D "FREEk"

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