Sunday funny a day early

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Posted by Doug L ( on May 06, 2000 at 10:24:39:

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had don. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervouse, I take a sip"
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nerviouse and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office agter mass, he found the following note on the door.

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gup.
2. There are 10 comandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. Wd do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son , and Hol Ghost are not refered to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kickthe shit out of him.
9.When Davd was hit by a rock and knocked offhis donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Bit T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Sast Supper he said, "Take this adn eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat Me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Maary with the Cherryy."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not. Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

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