Posted by Carl D (208.4.19.176) on May 23, 2000 at 21:01:26:
Well, Looking at the board today really cheered me up (not!). But you know, I go through enough than to engage in any more of the arguments and other B.S. that goes on with this board. I'll leave it alone - got enough troubles just with the CH. If people want to be hatemongers, fascists, bigots and predjudice f#@&s, then so be it. There is too many other things in life to sweat out than having to deal with and tolerate ignorance. I was thinking (yes, I sometimes do that), and one thing occurred to me:
Some people die for crimes they did not committ
and...
others suffer with a disease they do not understand!
I feel like I am dying daily for a victimless crime, and suffer in the face of reason still begging the question why. Why do people get Clusters? Why do some people cope with it well, and others all but lose thier minds (like myself)?
I find myself begging the question - but answers are silent!
Yes, I've been arrogant at times. At other times I have almost literally snapped. Lately, I am too tired to argue with anyone. I have also found in my existence on this morbid earth that, some people just have the spirit of argument within; and if they cannot find something to argue with someone about - then they will find someone to attack - for the sake of an argument. Some people just love quarreling. So be it. If it makes 'em happy and they sleep well at night, well hoo freakin ray!
I, on the other hand, am tired. I feel like when I do post anymore, I really don't have anything left to say. I have been angry, worn out, beaten by the beast, and have vented and vented until I don't even have the strength or state of mind to do it anymore. I know some are sick to death of hearing me complain about how bad things are on this end, but this board has been my pressure release valve - without which, I would have blown my stack way high long ago.
But now I find I am struggling too hard and a wise man I am not. I do not have the answers. I don't know what to say anymore. My life sucks! Thats the jist of it. I have clusters, they have destroyed my life, they continue to wreak havoc daily/nightly. What is left to say?
I am taking a hiatus from the CHMB for awhile. I don't know how long, but right now my mind isn't clear enough to focus on anything, not even my book! I have taken a break from that too, for various reasons. I am continuing with ideas for future projects, if the future holds me in it's thoughts of what is to be.
As I have overstated, I am tired - mentally, physically and spiritually. I just need to get away from the arguments, the predjudice, the ignorance and the slander that has become the daily routine here!
If someone needs to contact me, you have my email.
One last thing. I found out how much (or should I say, little) I will be getting for my disability each month. A whopping $475.00! Thats it. I'll be lucky if I can rent a doghouse for that much, plus leaving out enough to pay utilities on. So I am checking into section 8 housing, and waiting to see what the next bomb is they will drop on me next. They haven't stated when I will receive the backpay they owe me, but my Dis. benefits kick in next month.
I don't think I will be too sorely missed. You always have the daily amusement of the slander and hatewords to read here.
My only fear is that when I return to CH.com - the board will be gone as a result of the constant bickerings going on. Remember you old-timers, and learn a new trick here newbies. Back in November was it(?), DJ got tired of all of the bashing on the board and he took it down for a period of time. On toke over the line, sweet posters, and he may decide to take it down for good. Then where will you go to spread your brand of hate? I'm sure where there is a will, there is another place to abuse.
Ok. I'm done. I must depart, for now. I will keep in touch with you guys.
Peace,
Carl D
P.S. - Bob P, I will be at the convention come hell or high water - But I cannot afford to send my registration fee until later in June. I know that may be too late, but I can do no better due to lack of funds. Please understand my akward situation.
I believe I will be in a room with Riccardo - whom has invited me to share quarters with him in Vegas. And, if I can make it to Kansas City, MO - I have a ride the rest of the way with Nancy.
Lets just hope everything works out.
10-4