Great. Now I have to post my bastardizations of Dr. Seuss again.

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Posted by Ted ( on June 15, 2000 at 12:27:55:

In Reply to: LMAO :) posted by jonny on June 15, 2000 at 11:29:20:

Well, I don't have to, but it's an opening to. I posted thes before many months ago:

You're a mean one, Cluster Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Cluster Grinch.

You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You're a monster, Cluster Grinch.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Cluster Grinch.

I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You're a vile one, Cluster Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Cluster Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crocodile.

You're a foul one, Cluster Grinch.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Cluster Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."

You're a rotter, Cluster Grinch.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Cluster Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Cluster Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Cluster Grinch.

You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool
With arsenic sauce.

And then there's:

The Story Formerly Known as The Zax

by Dr. Seuss (And Dr. Ted, of course)
From The Sneetches and Other Stories
Copyright 1961 by Theodor S. Geisel and Audrey S. Geisel, renewed 1989. Copyright tossed out the window 1999 by Theodore H. Marcus

One day, making tracks
In the prairie of Imitrex,
Came a Nose-using Trex
And a Shot-using Trex.

And it happened that both of them came to a place
Where they bumped. There they stood.
Foot to foot. Face to face.

"Look here, now!" the Nose-using Trex said, "I say!
You are blocking my path. You are right in my way.
I'm a Nose-using Trex and I always go by nose.
Get out of my way, now, and let me do the dose!"

"Who's in whose way?" snapped the Shot-using Trex.
"I always get shot, making shot-junkie tracks.
So you're in MY way! And I ask you to move
And let me get shot in my shot-using groove."

Then the Nose-Using trex puffed his chest up with pride.
"I never," he said, "take a step to one side.
And I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways
If I have to keep standing here with no pain-free days!"

"And I'll prove to YOU," yelled the Shot-using Trex,
"That I can stand here in the prairie of Imitrex
For no pain-free years! For I live by a rule
That I learned as a boy back in Shot-using School.
Never budge! That's my rule. Never budge in the least!
Not an inch for the rest! Not an inch for the Beast!
I'll stay here, not budging! I can and I will
If it makes you and me and the whole world Resort to the pill!"

Of course the world didn't Use the pill. The world grew.
In a couple of years, the new cure came through
And they sold it right over those two stubborn Trex
And left them there, standing un-budge in their tracks.

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