Posted by Nancy (216.236.5.86) on June 15, 2000 at 23:32:17:
Sven and Ole
Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.
Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.
Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.
When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.
"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls it over his head and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"
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LETTER FROM CAMP
Dear Mom and Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents
in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried.
We are OK.
Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away.
Luckily, none of us got drowned
because we were all up the mountain
looking for Chad when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK.
He can't write because of the cast.
I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps.
It was neat.
We never would have found him in the dark
if it wasn't for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad
for going on a hike alone without telling anyone.
Chad said he did tell him,
but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.
Did you know that if you put gas on a fire,
the gas can will blowup?
The wet wood didn't burn,
but one of the tents did.
Also some of our clothes.
John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday
if Scoutmaster Walt gets the car fixed.
It wasn't his fault about the wreck.
The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Walt said that a car that old,
you have to expect something to break down;
that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a neat car.
He doesn't care if we get it dirty,
and if it's hot,sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders.
It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car.
He let us take turns riding in the trailer
until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Walt is a neat guy.
Don't worry, he is a good driver.
In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads
where there isn't any traffic.
All we ever see up here is logging trucks.
This morning,
all of the guys were diving off the rocks
and swimming out in the lake.
Scoutmaster Walt wouldn't let me because I can't swim,
and Chad was afraid he would sink
because of his cast,
so he let us take the canoe across the lake.
It was great.
You can still see some of the trees under the water
from the flood.
Scoutmaster Walt isn't crabby like some scoutmasters.
He didn't even get mad about the lifejackets.
He has to spend a lot of the time
working on the car
so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what?
We have all passed our first aid merit badges.
When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm,
we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Wade and I threw up,
but Scoutmaster Walt said it probably was just food poisoning
from the leftover chicken.
He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.
I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.
He said he sure figured out how to get things done better
while he was doing his time.
By the way, what is a pedophile?
I have to go now.
We are going to town to mail our letters
and buy bullets.
Don't worry about anything.
We are fine.
Love, Jordie
PS: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
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Lorena Bobbitt's sister was arrested last night for attempting to cause the same damage to her husband, except she missed and hit his leg.
She has been charged with a "misdeweiner".
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Let's reminisce a while...
Close your eyes.....and go back........
Before the Internet or the MAC,
Before semi automatics and crack,
Before chronic and indo,
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo,
Way back........
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Sittin' on the porch,
Hot bread and butter.
The ice cream man,
Eatin' a 'super dooper sandwich',
Red light, Green light.
Chocolate milk,
Lunch tickets,
Penny candy in a brown paper bag.
Playin' Pac-man in the corner store.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch
Jacks, kickball, dodgeball, y'all!
Mother, May I?
Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds,
Jolly Ranchers, blowpops, Mary Janes,
Grape and Watermelon Now-Laters (what about
"Alexander the grape," "lemonheads")
Running through the sprinkler (I can't get wet! All
right, well don't wet my hair....)
The smell of the sun and lickin' salty lips....
Wait......
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons,
Fat Albert, Road Runner, He-Man, The Three Stooges
and Bugs, Catchin' lightening bugs in a jar, Playin
sling shot.
When around the corner seemed far away
And going downtown seemed like really going somewhere.
Bedtime,
Climbing trees,
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers, Cops and
Robbers, Cowboys and Indians,
Sittin on the curb,
Jumpin down the steps,
Jumpin on the bed.
Pillow fights,
Being tickled to death,
Runnin till you were out of breath,
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt,
Being tired from playin'.... Remember that?
I ain't finished just yet...
Crowding in a circle around the 'after school fight'
then running when the teacher came.
What about the girl who had the big bubbly hand
writing??
Eating Kool-aid powder with sugar
Didn't that feel good.. just to go back and say:
"Yeah, I remember that!"
There's nothing like the good old days!
They were good then and they're good now, when we
think about them.
Share some of these thoughts with a friend who can
relate then share them with someone who missed out
on them.
One can't be serious ALL the time, eh?
Remember when...
When there were two types of sneakers for girls and
boys (Keds & PF Flyers) and the only time you wore
them was at school - for "gym."
When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids
got there.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance and another
quarter a huge bonus.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high
school, if even then.
When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and
female teachers had their hair done, everyday.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked and
gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time,
and you didn't pay for air and you got trading
stamps, to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or
towels hidden inside the box.
When any parent could discipline any kid or feed him
or use him to carry groceries and nobody, not even
the kid, thought a thing of it.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken
out to dinner at a real restaurant with your
parents.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if
they failed ... and did!
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing
compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving
student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it
wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs,
etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger
threat! Much more present in our lives!!!
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