Posted by Andrea (Mr.) on January 26, 1999 at 13:38:10:
Man, they're out of control this year... I'm lucky... I've got an acupuncturist (God bless her soul) scrambling to figure out a cure and a wonderful girlfriend that sticks by my side with all the empathy that a non-sufferer can possibly muster... but they're still kicking my butt. I thought I was ready for them this year, I had worked out massively and my body is the strongest it's ever been... and I've been putting up a good fight... but last night I got massacred. Never seen anything like this, cluster triggering migraine triggering cluster... a successive onslaught that just would not quit. I must've done 300 pushups... to the point that my arms weren't responding anymore... managed to fall asleep on my knees... woke up not being able to move my legs and still getting "stabbed" in the head... crawling around the living room with cramps in my back, spasming muscles, and this damn pain still going full force. It's 10:22 a.m. now, and I feel like Mike Tyson just had a field day with me... God damn it! What's the point? What's my body trying to tell me? Is it the cigarettes? My only vice... no alcohol, no drugs. I'm trying to start a business and I need to be bright and alert... can't even smile without my face hurting! There's one thing I'm proud of... all throughout the night I stayed calm and kept telling myself "it's only pain, it can't damage you". I've noticed that not despairing helps a great deal... even though the mind is blown and all that's left are animal survival instincts, it really helps to dig into that reservoir of humanity for words of comfort. I've had these things since I was 8 (now 33)... I guess they make a "man" out of you... "builds character" as our parents would say.... if anything, they teach empathy towards those who suffer.
I'm lucky... I only get these 3 months out of the year... today, more than ever, my heart goes out to those of you who don't get a break.
The fight goes on.
Love,
Andrea