Posted by Nancy (216.236.5.210) on July 26, 2000 at 21:00:07:
News Flash: New Element Discovered
Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic weight of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete
when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain density. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "critical morass."
You will know it when you see it.