Posted by lc bob (220.127.116.11) on July 28, 2000 at 23:59:55:
In Reply to: Cluster addiction posted by Riccardo on July 27, 2000 at 02:38:26:
after about 18 months of an absolutely life altering bout with these brainquakes, i came to 2 realizations (actually, suppositions at the time) that are dead on with what you're suggesting here:
1. i was consumed by the ritual. i planned for it, i executed the plan. that required the headache. i began to feel that (now I need forgiveness from everyone - not just chronics - heheh) that i was causing them. it seemed that sometimes i "missed" (as in missing a train, not missing a squeeze [smile]) a headache when i was somehow distracted from thinking about them (which was like distracting a dog from a t-bone!). the logical progression of this thinking brought me to wondering about the "message board" addiction you describe. i was pissed if the commute held me up in the morning ... not because i was late for work ... but because i wasn't logged on to the board seeing who had posted since the previous evening. so i paused - for the past 6 months ... excusing myself by telling myself there was too much hate (there was back then) and pain (there's always been that) but not really admitting (until now) that i was really doing a mental statistical corelation - just like the one on the OUCH page about keeping records. and you know? over the past 6 months, my highest level has fallen to at or below a 7 on the Kip scale ... i've actually slept a couple of nights clear thru (gawd, what a shock - yea, a shock it is when you wake up and realize you have made it to daylight without dancing!). they're less severe, and less frequent (used to have 5 or 6 a day ... now i even get thru whole days at work before the prick (pun intended) starts in my head.
it is extremely important to me that DJ understand that in NO WAY do i mean to criticize or otherwise condemn in ANY fashion this site or it's purpose, existence, or congregation - and CERTAINLY not it's creator (this thing literally saved my worthless life, i'm stone convinced!) - but it does keep me thinking about the headaches - and i believe at this point that it's imperative that we (well, i at least) try to ignore that steak until it bites US.
2. what was that other thing? ... oh yea ... BobP loves us guys. :)
Pain Freedom is a Human Right,
(see ya at the convention!!!)
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