Silver Lining to my clusters

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Posted by MIKE L ( on August 15, 2000 at 15:32:31:

Ive always been an optomist. Maybe because I've never had one of life's big tests. I've always had a good family, a good enjoyable job, no health problems, a great wife and children and so on. I've always been a worrier, not the kind that sits and worries, rather my worrying has driven me to work hard. To always keep my promises and go with little or no sleep to do so. I always plan out all the details and go over in my mind everything I did from beginning to end. With multiple contingincy plans so I never got caught with my pants down. Don't get me wrong, to me this was happiness. That is until now. I had to quit working for 5 years. Promises, forget them, Yeah I can get it done between now and never. Relying on others, that was hard. To need others. ie just to get a ride, if I could even go somewhere. I never wanted to see what it was like to fail. Well,losing all these so called important things wasn't the end of the world, although for a while it seemed so. I went to counseling with my wife to help me adjust. What I didn't expect was to really get to know my wife so well and learn so much aboutmy own self. Now that I work again I still try to achieve excellence, but only because I enjoy it, not because I'm afraid to fail. I find I can keep my mind more on my relationship with my wife and children and still do quality work. I can work at a more enjoyable pace and still acomplish what I want to. When I'm well my family likes me better then before. I know they always love me, but sometimes it's funner to have them like me. I would not trade what I have learned through my experiance. It seems funny, it's not the physical pain I remember, I still feel the hurt of abandoned friends, people who have misjudged or accused me falsely. Mostly What I remember ate the things I have learned the new friends made and the friends who have been true. It'd not that bad. THANKS for listening. MIKE L

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