Posted by Ted (126.96.36.199) on August 16, 2000 at 02:08:00:
I used to worship my older brother. He was sometimes 5 years older than me, but once August rolled around it was back to four. He was 33 years old when he finally succumed... fuck those nice words... once his breath stopped. Once his heart stopped. Once his inhalation stopped pitching like a damned Canadian goose. Once he fucking died. I used to use him as a role model. I spent the last five years trying to forget how I cried my confessions to him the night before he died. I try to forget my lips against his while I literally sucked in his final breath.
I can't forget anything. I can't forget a minute. And yet, all I have seen from that is this just prepared me for last year. And last year just is a preperation for the worst for this year.
My oldest brother was 33 when he died. I'm 35 today. I'm older then he ever will be. Look at my pride. Look at my joy. I still thank you for your birthday wishes, but please stop them now. I don't need them.
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