Posted by Nancy (220.127.116.11) on October 19, 2000 at 10:26:40:
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
What Do Eskimos Get >From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't Work?
What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
Why Do A Pilgrim's Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wear Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, "Whack ... Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes, "
What Do You Call Skydiving Lawyers?
What Goes Clop, Clop, Clop, Bang, Bang, Clop, Clop, Clop?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting
How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer..
Two old boys from West Virginia, Leroy and Jasper
have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after,they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club.
Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper.
"We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him
inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But, we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."
So, they have their drink, and pretty soon a
hooker comes up to Leroy.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you
someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers,
"Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay
So, Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and
gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the
infirmary with a terrible case
of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "what fo' you
give me the okay?"
Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea
affects only the privates."
He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them....they thought because they weren't baptized. So they went to the nearest
church. Only the custodian was there.
One said, "We'se got to be baptized cause no one will play with us.
Will you baptize us?"
So he took them into the bathroom and dunked them in the toilet bowl one at a time. He said, "Now go out and
When they got outside, dripping wet, the
oldest one asked, "What religion is we?
We'se not catlic caause they pour the water and we'se not Baptist cause they dunk you."
The littlest one said, "I smelled dat water and I knows wat we is....... We's Pisscopalians."
Blind Walmart clerk
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "Associate" standing there with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He says,
"That's a 6-foot graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10-pound test line.
It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you could possibly tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for,so
I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. In the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her; being blind, he wouldn't know that she was
the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish bait is $2.50."
Hugs and a smile,
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