My philosophy.

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Posted by Luke ( on October 19, 2000 at 14:50:43:

In Reply to: There are many on Topamax . . . posted by Ken Hubner on October 19, 2000 at 09:05:05:

I suppose what it really comes down to is what our reason for taking medication is, since we are all stricken with this terrible affliction. Some do it, because the pain is so great it almost drives them insane. And it. There's no question about that. They go to their neuro and completely understandable go "HELP ME! I'M DYING HERE!". In this instance, I suppose it makes sense to load up on all the Topamax in the world.
However...I belong to the other group of people. Now we all know the pain is excruciating, beyond that. We know that it's literally impossible to describe how painful a 9 or 10 is even if I was to sit here and use adjectives for days. When our hour or hour and a half is up(my average time for a 9), we're exhausted and disoriented, and pass out limply. I mention all this to make sure that eveyrone knows I in no way downplay the pain of CH.
However...the pain is NOT what I take medication for. Screw the pain. No matter how many times I pace, yell, moan, groan, cry, drool, hit my head against a wall..etc...., the pain WILL eventually stop, and it will NOT physically damage me.
You see, my beef with CH is simply that I can't function normally when they're not under control. I don't give a damn about the pain. What gets to me is when I can't hang out with my friends, participate actively in a class, eat dinner with a pretty girl, or just advance my life in general, because of the bastards. So you see, in my case, Topamax makes NO sense. If in order to stop a painful disorder which is stopping me from living a normal life, I get rid of the pain but take a med which even MORE SO stops me from having a normal life...then I haven't accomplished anything, have I?
This may seem like moot talk or angry rebellious talk to some of you. You may think I'll eventually "grow out of it", but this isn't the case. I'm at war with these bastards. And I intend to win. In fact, there's no doubt in my mind that I'm going to win. And by winning, I mean I'm going to finish college with a Computer Science degree which is what I love to do AND pays 50,000 first year out of college, I'm going to eventually get married and have a family, I'm going to continue to play guitar and sing and compose(which I've been doing for 5 years now)...bottom line is that I'm going to have the life I want and these bastards won't stop me. And I can't HAVE the life I want if I'm always duped up on some neuro's new field test.


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