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Posted by Nancy ( on October 31, 2000 at 10:37:50:

Gotta have the knack!

A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is tossing a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at
just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face, and Dad starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed middle-aged, serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried
way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more
firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25-cent piece, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts effusively thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that
before. It was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"Good heavens, no," the woman replies. "I am a Divorce Attorney."

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started....the
doctor yelled, "Up Nuts". And the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run hit the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well.....the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked, "What happened?" The assistant replied, "Well...everything was going just fine until this guy walked by
and yelled..."PEANUTS!!!"

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve, and the first thing he said to them was:

"Don't what?" Adam replied.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.

"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit?

Hey, Eve, we got forbidden fruit!"
"No way!"

"Yes way!""Don't eat that fruit!" said God.


"Because I am your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on
If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

Advice for the day:

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle - Take two and keep away from children..

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