Shadows, Paranoia and Terror

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Posted by Bo ( on November 18, 2000 at 16:13:58:

To all that may read this I bid Hello.

After years of alothough realizing that though it seemed I was alone with the malody of CH, the discovery of this page has showed me that I am not. How ironic it is that I found it in a fit of desperate need to not only find anything new that may have surfaced on the demon. But, remove my thoughts from the only known permenant cure from this hell that now seems yet again to curse my very being.
For formalities sake, as well as giving me somthing "productive" to do I will introduce myself.

All of my friends for all of my life have called me Bo. Not only do I consider you all friends already, but I wish you to know that you all have my undying admiration for being able to hold onto your sanity through those times of horror and pain.

I currently live in Suffolk, VA I am 37 years old and have been tortured with CH since my earliest childhood memories.

I am very lucky in that I have a family who though not able to physically "Help" me in my times of despair, stand by me, support me and refuse to leave me. Thus my only string left holding me to this existance. As the shadows, which started yesterday slowly begin to increase in intensity I cling to that string, all the while growing less and less sure that I will be strong enough to survive this bout. The scary thing is that though I have lived this nightmare thousands of times, and have suffered through the agony, despair and depression. .I cannot ever remember feeling this scared, and unsure of myself in that I am strong enough to dance again.

I have found a Doctors name on this Website that is 3o some miles from me, I have promised myself that I will make all efforts at contacting him First Thing Monday morning in the silly hopes that he will be some sort of Sorcerer and concoct some magical potion that will banish this demon from my being before he begins to crush my head. Dare I say that all of my hopes I lie on him. . for that seems so unfair.

So here I sit..with that familuar behind the scene pain telling me of my fate. Babbleling in hopes that in reaching out I can find the strength to hold on until monday.

My apologies to you all who are currently in your throes of agony, to you my post must surly seem infantile and please beleive me when I say that You all are in my prayers. .as if that will do any of us any good. I do not know what else to do or say..except in finding this site, I feel a glimmer of hope does exist. Even if it is just in being able to speak with someone who truly understands. To talk to someone who will not roll their eyes in that all to familuar "What a NUTCASE" way.

To you all If you ever need to email is

With the utmost respect,

- Bo

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