Posted by Nancy (22.214.171.124) on December 15, 2000 at 10:01:13:
Since part of the country is under snow attacks I thought I'd re-post this. It really was wrote by a guy who did move from the south to a more northern state.
Guy moved to Illinois from the south.
Dec 8: 6:00pm It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love the snow!!!!
Dec 9: We woke up to another beautiful blanket of crystal white snow,covering every inch of the landscape. What a sight. Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world as Illinois after a fresh snow. Moving back here was the best idea my wife ever had. Shoveled for the first time in 11 years after living in Birmingham, and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a life!!
Dec 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor, Bob, tells me not to worry because we'll definately have a White Christmas. Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of the winter that I'll never want to see snow again - he's such a nice guy, but I think he's a little screwy. I'm glad he's my neighbor though.
Dec 14: Snow, lovely snow - 1 foot last night. The temperature dropped to minus 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
The snow plow came back this afternoon, and I'll be damned if it didn't bury them again. I didn't realize that I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I
wouldn't huff and puff so much.
Dec 15: 20 inches in the forecast. Sold my pickup and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's Honda, and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska after all.
Dec 16: Ice storm this morning on top of all the snow. Fell on my ass in the driveway putting salt down. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for
an hour, which I thought was very cruel.
Dec 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Can't make it out to the workshop cause the doors are frozen shut.
Electricity was out for 5 hours. Had to pile on the blankets to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
I think they call it "Cabin Fever". Guess I should have bought a wood stove, but don't dare admit it to her. God, I hate it when she's right.
Can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
Dec 20: Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find some neighbor kids to do the shoveling, but
they all said they were too busy. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying too.
Bob says I have to shovel, or the city will have it done and bill me for it. I think he's lying.
Dec 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today. It's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out and shovel,
and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed, and got dressed again I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a snowplow on his truck for the rest of the winter but he says he's too
busy. I think the asshole is lying.
Dec 23: Only 2 inches of snow today, and it warmed up to zero. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house for Christmas. What is she....nuts?? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She said
she did, but I thinks she's damn well lying too.
Dec 24: 6 inches of snow, packed so hard by the snowplow that I broke my damn shovel. I thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
sonovabitch that drives the snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling so he can fly down the street at 40 miles an hour throwing snow all over where I've just been. Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy
watching for that sucker who drives the snowplow.
Dec 25: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! 20 more inches of the #$@%^&** stuff.
Damned if I ain't snowed in again. The idea of shoveling again makes my blood boil...Damn, I hate the snow!! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation. I hit the sonofabitch over the head with my
shovel. My wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time I think I'm gonna kill her.
Dec 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move back here. It was all her idea. She's really starting to get on my nerves.
Dec 27: Temperature dropped to 30 below, and the pipes froze. Water all over the damn place. Called the plummer - said he's booked up - everyone
is lying - what the hell is going on here!!!!
Dec 28: Still snowed in. The witch is driving me crazy!!
Dec 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to get up and shovel off the roof or it might cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard of.
How dumb does he think I am anyway?
Dec 30: Damn roof caved in. The city sent me a bill for snow removal,and the snowplow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife moved in with her mother.
Dec 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more snow, no more shoveling, no more listening to everyone's lies.
Jan 1: I feel so good; rather euphoric. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to this bed??
Warm hugs and a warm smile,
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