Posted by TerryS (22.214.171.124) on February 01, 2001 at 04:52:47:
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate
the humor of the slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper.
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of
story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect,
12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the "tell me when
we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband
that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he
was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a
powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and
the pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then
you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters.
So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that
since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the
woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white would provide
more than adequate camouflage.
So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her
thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is
a right way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without
warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of control, racing
through the trees, somehow missing all of them and onto another slope.
Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her pants down around
her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued on
backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for the other
skiers. The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the
lift, and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to
pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end
to her nudie show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the
patrol, who transported her to a hospital. In the emergency room she was
regrouping when a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next
to hers. "So how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. "It
was the damndest thing you ever saw," he said, "I was riding up this ski
lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman
skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom
hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned
over to get a better look, and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved.
I fell out of the lift. So how'd you break your arm?"
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