Posted by Andrew (126.96.36.199) on February 21, 2001 at 08:55:29:
I have none of this bravery, none of these qualities everyone I'm reading about here has. I'm a 29 year old baby. All I know is pain and fear. I'm certainly not brave for living with CH because I don't choose to stay alive. My reasons for this are even pathetic. It all revolves around fear. I would NEVER attempt suicide(again) because I'm afraid Ill fail and end up in a hospital with bright lights and noises and the thought of getting a headache there!!!! Even stranger is the fact i have zero religious beliefs but I fear if I ever ended it all, there would indeed be a heaven and a hell. The hell would be eternal CH's. And the "what if" of the situation scares the hell out of me. What if the punishment was pain like the CH's or worse. And the thought there could be worse pain!
I'm not sure if I'm writing this to everyone or just to myself. And the lack of sleep is really messing me up.
Still the fact remains, you are the toughest people I've ever come across.
Just wanna sleep
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