Posted by Paco (204.111.53.77) on February 22, 2001 at 15:43:44:
Don't know the author, but a friend emailed this to me:
Due to increasing products liability litigation,
American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what the hell happened to your bra. (Apparently this has
happened to several people?!)
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an ass hole.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends leave.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them
at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with other members of the opposite sex
without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you
have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting
your ass kicked.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, smarter, faster and more handsome than
some really, really big guy named FRANK.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
you are invisible.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think
people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause a
disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby small
(and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.