I Am Exhausted!!!

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Posted by Carl D ( on February 26, 2001 at 18:43:21:

I regret to report that I am once again having to take a break from my work on the book. It seems the Sleep Deprivation is back in full effect - and when I go through this, I do not think as clearly and make many, many mistakes in my writing. I have been forced to practically re-write up to 1/3rd of what was written under these conditions; as parts of the storyline conflicted, things weren't flowing together as they should, too many typos, etc. etc.

This is very frustrating for me; as I am so close to nearing completion - and I feel I have something here as well. Writing this book has been a huge challenge, as I am trying to make sure every detail of medical info concerning CH is 100% accurate. It is much different from a true work of fiction; as I am blending art with reality. With true fiction - everything can be totally made up. My goal with this book though is to educate people about Cluster Headaches in all aspects; from the sufferers point of view to the supporters. In doing so, I am also trying to write something I would read; something that wouldn't put me to sleep, but instead I couldn't put down. If I can achieve both of those goals - entertain AND educate - then I will be truly happy, and know my suffering has not been totally in vain. If I fail, then I will only have myself to blame. That is why I will not write when my mind is under this much stress, and I see little frogs and plants jumping across the screen as I read. I feel I have one chance to do this right, and I don't want to screw it up.

One thing that has happened since the beginning of this book is: I have been flooded with ideas for different future projects, and have written 16+ outlines for stories, and have my next two book projects rarin' to go once "Snapped" is completed. My next book is a total work of fiction called "The Vigilante Code", which will deal with the brutal reality of gangs, drugs, and what happens when a community fights back. The 3rd project is tentatively titled "Left for Dead". That work is currently being thought out, and should prove to be pretty twisted. I have fallen in love with writing all over again, and have been writing songs like wildfire! The downside is... I used to play my guitar at least an hour or two a day (been guitfiddlin' 21 years now), and now I go for days or weeks without touching my baby. She has been abused (a beautiful metal-flake Black Jackson Stealth custom which I intend to be buried with); and I feel bad for her. She has been neglected. So, since I cannot sleep - and writing for now is futile, I have been paying her a little more attention, and getting my chops back.

Once I start getting some sleep again, and some real rest and can focus and concentrate better, I will complete "Snapped". Once it is finished, I will keep my fingers crossed, get manuscripts drawn up, and send them out with a wing and a prayer. If it becomes a success (which most authors 1st works rarely do), not only will I benefit from becoming a "hot new author and writing sensation" (okay, let me dream a bit here), but the entire CH community and family will benefit as well. The word will get out about this dreadful affliction, and maybe then we will be heard.

Living on a hope, wing and a prayer...
Carl D

P.S. - In case you wondered or even cared, My fave author is Stephen King. Some of his work has pissed me off because it did not end the way I wanted it to, but it made me realize... It got my attention and I had a reaction to it. He is my inspiration. I also love Dean Koontz; Ian Fleming; Shakespeare (yes, call me a young nerd and I will punch you...hehehe); John Grisham; Michael Crichton; C.S. Lewis; Robin Cook; and am rediscovering J.R.R. Tolkien (yes, brushing up for the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy being put to film - 1st one soon to come). I have many inspirations for my writing, as well as music that has had an affect on me. I love hard and heavy music (NIN, TOOL, Manson, Sabbath, Rush); but can only write while listening to either classical, new age, or anything soothing an non vocal. Vocals distract, and I get too caught up in them to write. I begin typing out the lyrics....

By the way, I guess that stuff combined with the CH has had a brutal affect on me. When I have slept, I have had some funky dreams and nightmares. Am I the only one who has been Stabbed by Gilda Radner with a butcher knife while everyone tried to keep her away from sharp objects as she screamed in an Emily Litella voice "I just have to cut something!!!", and then been stitched up by Noah Wylie?
Just wondering...


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