Posted by Nancy on March 27, 1999 at 08:26:59:
Nuts by the fence:
On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence.
One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree,
out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for
you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out
toward the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One
for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh, my !" he shuddered,
"It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man with a
cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" said the boy. "You won't believe
what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the
souls."
The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it
is!" But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by
the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we
can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the
fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy
gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried
to get a glimpse of Satan.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you.
That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes before the boy!
AND
Doctor Doctor
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records - as dictated by
physicians-
"When she fainted. her eyes rolled around the room."
"By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped. and he was feeling
better"
"Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
"On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely
disappeared."
"Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
"Discharge status: Alive but without permission"
"Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male. mentally alert but forgetful."
"The patient refused an autopsy"
"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
"She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate direction, in
early December."
"The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"While in the ER. she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
'The skin was moist and dry."
"Occasional, constant. Infrequent headaches."
"Patient was alert and unresponsive"
"She stated that she had been constipated For most of her life until 1995 when
she got a divorce."
"The patient worked his entire life as a grain elevator."
"Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Wellington."
"The patient was to have a bowel resection However he took job as a
stockbroker instead"
"Patient has two teenage children but no other- abnormalities."
All have a good wkend! Nancy