A bit too long but I feel usless and frustrated.

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Posted by Yoke ( on March 31, 2001 at 15:38:39:

I read your messages and relate completely to them. I wish I could also put out my feelings and thoughts the way you all do. But I am afraid to do so. I feel so week and depresed at the moment. I do not know how to handel it. I am afraid that if I were to mention how I realy feel,I would realy break down. What I am sying does not realy make sence dose it?Here goos. I used to cope quite well with the demon when I knew approximately what and when it was to occur. My imptoms have changed again and I feel insecure. The last year and 1/2 I have been cronick. I had no cikel I had attacks from one to two or thre consecutive days with shadows inbetween. This could last from two to three weeks a few days or weeks rest and then it would srart again. My attacks were always during the day. I was asked to decreese the verasmpamiel. I did and now I am Increasing again. I use o2 for the smaler attacks. I need to use it at least 3/4 of an hour for it to work. I use imigran for scale 7. It works within 15 mins. I am somtimes temted to use it for th shadows but am afraid it wil then notwork for the demon. This week I had the worst week since recieving the proper medication in september. To day I went to my sister to cook and enjoy the meel as well. I did not feel like goiing because I was tiered and had been using o2 aal morning. Everyone was having drinks. I at first refraind incase it would trigger an attack. Later I thought what the heck. I have been suffering aal week. Mabe I can trigger a 7 or more so that I can use imigran and then I wil be rid of the damed demon for at leest 24 houers. This is hou it usually goes. I over indulged and had 3/4 of a bottle of red wine. Gues what? I am talkative, share my feelings but the demon has stayd away. The demon can stay away but I am not planning to drink every day to keep him abay.

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