OK Frank. I challenge you to the-most-screwed-up-news contest.

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Posted by Ted ( on April 11, 2001 at 00:12:18:

Who cares who wins? As long as we amuse while bored.

Sex-Starved Moose Defecates on Car


OSLO, Norway (March 21) - A sex-starved moose in Norway mistook a small, yellow car for a would-be partner, but defecated on it after it got no response.

Leif Borgersen, owner of the Ford Ka model, told the Norwegian regional daily Telemarksavisa Tuesday that he found his car bathed in lick marks, saliva and moose excrement.

Borgersen says the moose left its mark on the front yard of his home in Lardal, about 125 miles southwest of Oslo.

''The front yard was simply transformed into an outdoor toilet,'' he said. ''I'm a bit uncertain whether I should take the risk of letting the car stand alone and defenseless on the front yard from now on.''

There was no damage to the car apart from the sideview mirror that was bent backwards.

Winnie the Pooh Characters 'Seriously Troubled'


TORONTO (Dec. 13) - Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, Tigger and Christopher Robin are ''seriously troubled individuals'' living in the ''disenchanted'' Hundred Acre Wood and are in dire need of psychoactive drugs, Canadian researchers said.

The characters in A.A. Milne's famous children's stories suffer from unrecognized and untreated problems including attention deficit disorder and chronic depression, said a tongue-in-cheek study by pediatricians at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, and published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

Lead researcher Sarah Shea told Reuters that her team of modern neuro-developmentalists wanted to remind the world that wonderful people can have disorders.

''The world is full of wonderful people who have quirks and we love them. How dare anyone say there is anything wrong with someone diagnosed with attention deficit. I would also remind people that we are kidding around,'' said Shea.

Winnie himself could benefit from a low-dose stimulant to help him overcome attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, as well as obsessive-compulsive tendencies that include repetitive counting and an insatiable lust for honey.
''Pooh needs intervention. We feel drugs are in order. We cannot help but wonder how much richer Pooh's life might be were he to have a trial of low-dose stimulant medication,'' the article states.
Soul Sale Pulled From eBay

.c The Associated Press

SEATTLE (Feb. 9) - eBay has become the place for a lost soul.

Adam Burtle, 20, sold his soul on the Internet auction site, fetching $400 before the listing was removed and the University of Washington student and part-time automotive technician was suspended from the site.

For his listing, the self-described atheist displayed a picture of himself wearing an ``I'm with stupid'' T-shirt.

``Please realize, I make no warranties as to the condition of the soul. As of now, it is near mint condition, with only minor scratches,'' he wrote. ``Due to difficulties involved with removing my soul, the winning bidder will either have to settle for a night of yummy Thai food and cool indie flicks, or wait until my natural death.''

EBay has blocked similar auctions in the past but said Burtle's soul slipped through.

The bidding started a week ago at 5 cents. Burtle's former girlfriend bid $6.66 but she was overtaken in the final hour of the auction on Thursday when the price shot up to $400.

The buyer was identified as a Des Moines, Iowa, woman with an eBay feedback rating of zero, meaning she has no track record with other users of the Web site.

``I don't think she's going to be able to collect on my soul, to be honest,'' Burtle said, adding he didn't intend for the ad to be taken seriously.

``I was just bored, and I'm a geek,'' Burtle said. ``So anytime I'm bored, I go back to my Internet.''

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