Posted by ni ni on April 08, 1999 at 16:05:11:
I am in the midst of my second cluster headache (self-diagnosed due to my own research, thank you very much to the medical profession!... really, not that bitter!). I have always suffered migraines as a child, they stopped during my teens and 20's and now looks like i am on to a new adventure!! 1st was last year (14 in two weeks). I am now on my 5th in 4 days... but I think they may be leaving (I always think that, though). During the attacks, suicide was on my mind. I would NEVER do it (probably becuase I am too incapacitated, thank god for that!)... but just that I can even think about it scared the bejeebers out of me!! I am such a happy person and LOVE life... this just kills me!! I had the experience of a terrible neurologist, who just acted like "whats the deal, so you have migraines". Since my second attack I have called her 3x in a panic, and have had no return call. It is so hard to explain to others what I am feeling, how scared, even that *&^%! of a neurologist looked at me like I was insane. Finding you has brought tears to my eyes! I love the poems.
Please tell me that you feel SCARED TO DEATH when you get an aura, too! I shake and cry... I don't know if it is the migraine or the pending explosion I know I will get. I have decided to stay away from ergot's, (again,no thanks to doctor)... they help very little, and I am in such an incoherent state of mind, I have come close to OD twice!! I just keep taking it, and taking it,regardless of what I am "supposed" to do.
I am now on Verapamil and fiorinal when I feel one coming on... I hope this works.
Thanks again!
p.s. It is said that the most creative and intelligent people are the ones who suffer from migraines. I would have to add they also have the best senses of humor too, otherwise, we all would probably be in insane asylums.