Posted by jonny (24.147.230.154) on April 27, 2001 at 16:56:13:
BEER LITIGATION
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung
Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning
and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
literally disappear.